Pestilence…Not the topic…I just like that word

When I drive I tend to observe the world around me…sometimes more than I pay attention to where I am going (another topic). I simply observe. Change, people, places of interest, etc. I find myself travelling more lately than the past several years combined. More new clients (that’s a good thing), more meetings, and maintaining a long distance relationship (also a good thing).

I was coming home from a trip driving on a 2 lane country road and observed a buzzard in the middle of the oncoming lane picking at the bones of…another buzzard. I had questions:

1. Are buzzards cannibals?
2. Are you smart enough to get out of the road when another car comes by? Your dinner wasn’t.

On that same trip…there I was minding my own business when a stone shot up and put a bullet hole in my windshield. I immediately called my insurance agent (don’t look up phone numbers while you are driving!) to ask if I was covered for stone chips. My agent (whom I don’t really care for) replied, “No, your policy doesn’t cover chip repair…BUT, if you get the whole windshield replaced, we will waive the deductible and cover the repair.” WTF…You won’t pay $50 for a stone chip repair, but you will  pay $350 to replace a windshield? I’m looking for a new insurance company.

I had several meetings to attend today and on my way to the first one, I was driving along a busy 8 lane boulevard and saw a woman sitting in the median. By sitting I mean she was in a Hoveround…a personal scooter. Moreover, she was wearing a ¾ length mink coat at 9:30AM. I had more questions:

1.   Would PETA members dare throw blood on an ambulatory person wearing a fur?
2.  Where are you going?
3. Did Medicare pay for your scooter?
4.  If yes, who paid for the fur coat?

On the way back to the office I was on that same 8 lane boulevard and pulled up next to a mini-van that was vibrating with the sounds of hip-hop music playing at the threshold of pain. My first reaction was to think, “OH goodness, I HATE this! Please turn that down.” Then I looked across at the driver. It was a WHITE, thirty-something soccer mom that was bopping to the tunes. I have no questions…I’m still trying to wrap my head around associating what I heard with what I saw. Rock on Mama!

On a final note (and totally unrelated) I had an opportunity to observe something online that gave me pause for thought. I have been following Lisa Brandel’s blog for more than 2 years and have always appreciated the depth and eloquence of her writing. The blog, The Widow Lady is indeed written by a widow, but the content is directed to patients, care-givers and survivors equally. Lisa shares her deeply profound thoughts in a way that invites readers to think and respond whether they agree or not.

The point to this story is that in Lisa’s last post, a gentleman from the UK who himself is in the throes of prostate cancer treatments found her blog and was inspired to feature her on his blog http://chrisluck.net/blog/ extoling the inspiration that Lisa had offered him on his journey. As bloggers, we put our ideas, thoughts and opinions in a global repository hoping to catch the interest of anyone…and we do. What an incredible responsibility! Let us take care to share for the health and entertainment of all who might read what we have to say. Lisa is a pioneer in this quest.

I'm just saying

Or…You Could Look at it This Way…

I have been in advertising and marketing all of my adult life. It has always been my task to sell stuff to people that don’t need it, or maybe not even know what it is, but make it look good and irresistible. To that end I have been thinking lately what might happen if I used my powers of positive spin for other purposes?

Scenario #1:

A woman is arrested and put to trial for the beating death of her husband. She is charged with premeditated murder. Her lawyer (that would be me) finds out that she lived in an abusive relationship and finally snapped and fought back.

Solution#1:

At the end of the trial just before the defense rests the attorney approaches the jury box. “Ladies and gentlemen, this trial is a sham and my client is a victim of a severe miscarriage of justice. Yes, she struck him with a baseball bat, we admit that. The truth though is in fact that she called the paramedics before she beat him…yes, before! They were unable to revive him and he died. So I say to you…she is not guilty of murder…she was willing to help. No, the worst we can accuse her of is…premeditated attempted resuscitation.”

Scenario #2: (And this is a true story)

I heard a small group of people talking about a story in the news where a burglar broke into a house and when the home owner woke up from the noise, he grabbed a gun and chased the robber and shot him. The burglar was arrested and released on bail where he immediately filed suit against the homeowner for pain and suffering…and won! Someone in the group lamented, ”Yah, that’s about it. The criminals get rich and go free and the innocent go to prison…what a load of crap! Pretty soon all of the innocent people will be in prison and the criminals will all be on the streets.”

Solution #2:

I thought about it for a moment and then asked, “Why would that upset you? If what you say is literally true, and the prisons were full of only innocent people…at that moment they would no longer be prisons…they would be ‘gated communities’ with 24 hour armed security! Crime would cease to exist for them.”

Scenario #3: (Again, a true story)

I took my Mother to church on Easter. I generally don’t like attending her church because I find the pastor to be ill-prepared and a poor orator who likes to improvise. The sermon about the death and resurrection quickly went south when the pastor tried to “modernize” it with mentions of video games, smart phones and Mel Gibson movies…wtf? I felt myself feeling sick, and my head was near imploding, when the pastor told the congregation that she knew how much the stone that covered Jesus’ tomb weighed, but couldn't share the information because she was sworn to secrecy…again…wtf? I leaned over to my mother and whispered, “If she says one more stupid thing like that, I’m leaving.” My Mother whispered back, touching my arm, “Be patient. What would Jesus do?”

I leaned back and said, “It’s Easter…he’d get up and leave!”

I’m just saying.