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It is not a secret that I embrace technology. New and growing technologies are an integral part of my life and how I make a living. My business lives largely in a virtual world and is capable of instant international real time response…ooooh, that sounds “techy”.
There are limits though. For example:
I HATE texting! I don’t want to text, I don’t have time to text and in fact I have blocked texting from my cell phone. Call me!
I have bundled communications services that include a land line, Satellite TV, a DSL internet connection and cell phone services. I get it all from one company and I get one bill a month for all of it. I like the simplicity. However, over the past year or so, that bill has grown to the point where I have to consider cutting back and saving a little cash wherever possible. I shopped around and found a company that could give me all the same services for a savings of 45% (for the first 12 months). Why wouldn’t I consider this?
Well, here’s why...
TV: I watch very little television and although I currently have over 400 channels available to me, I watch about four or five of them. When I queried about the channel selection I found that 1 (one) of the channels is not included in the basic package and it happened to be the one channel I watch most often. “What do I need to do to get that channel?”. Answer, ”You’ll need to upgrade to the 8,495 channel package.” I replied, “Well, that’s not going to happen. I’ll learn to live without it.”
Then I come to find out that the basic internet connection speed is about half of what I have right now. I asked, ”What does it take to keep my current connection speed?” Reply, “You’ll have to upgrade.”
*Sigh*
“Okay, I want an apples to apples package with all of the services I have now. Nothing more, nothing less. What’s the bottom line?” He gave me a price that was still a considerable savings, and I started the sign up process.
After some back and forth, he asked me if I have any questions. “Just one. Do I have to change my email address?”
Now! I have had the same personal email address for 17 years. Frankly it would be easier to move my entire home to a new state with a change of address notice that it would be for me to even remember how many places and people I would have to notify about an email address change. It could take MONTHS!
“Is there any way around this?” I asked.
“No sir, I’m afraid not.”
“Then cancel the order.”
“But sir…the savings?!”
“It would take me months to fix that. No thank you.”
“Sir, what can I do to change your mind.”
Muwahahaha…he shouldn’t have asked that.
“Welll…here’s the thing. If you call me back closer to Christmas at the end of the year, and if the offer is still good, here’s how you can fix it. Print up a really big stack of cards with my new email address and have Santa delivery one each to all of the houses he stops at. He can fix it in one night.”
*Cricket, cricket, cricket*
“Have a good day sir. Sorry I couldn’t help you.”
“Chicken!”
I’m just saying.
I should tell you that this isn’t necessarily just for men only that it will touch on a topic specific to men. In the context of the subject I don’t anticipate any sympathy from the women folk.
It is time for my annual physical exam. I am pretty good about making and keeping this appointment each year if for no other reason than to update the inventory list each year. I have reached an age where the exam yields different results than years ago and involves additional tests that weren’t on the list earlier. I have come to a point where men of a certain age change in odd ways. Hair begins to grow in places previously unaffected (like the ears); the metabolism slows down and gravity starts to win the battle. I’m okay with these things…except for the “shaving my ears” thingy.
It is a complete physical that include all of the vital signs, complete blood work, answering questions for comparative data and oh yes…the prostate exam. I understand its importance and don’t want to minimize that at all. I am far more interested in the results than the exam itself. Now, for the women…I’m not whining about it and frankly from what I understand I would rather have a prostate exam than a mammogram.
I do understand the importance of the test…just not the method. It is the sort of test that even when you know it’s coming…it’s a surprise. A surprise that immediately improves your posture, and leaves you feeling somewhat violated. The first time I “received” this exam I shot up straight and my eyes began to water. The Dr. finished and said, “You are fine.” I replied, ”Ummm, thank you. What should one tip for something like that?” I nearly felt compelled to send him flowers. My Dr. has an odd sense of humor and chose the moment he gave me the exam to tell me that he is ambidextrous. I said, “You get one try, and no do-overs.”
I’m just saying.
Well as you can see I let Jewell out of the basement and to punish thank me, she has stopped by with another rant story to share with you all. Please enjoy :)
I'm sorry everyone. Really. I am. Apparently Ron didn't learn his lesson the last time I wrote a guest post for him. OR you people haven't behaved appropriately, and this is considered your time out chair in the corner. (Dunce caps will be handed out at the end of the post.)
I, on the other hand, have brought the little red shovel that I stole from the sandbox during my last visit, and I am not afraid to use it. So, shape up! *waves plastic sand shovel menacingly*
Now, knowing Ron, he wants me to dig deep, and find something profound and inspirational to share with all of you in this post. Consider this your notice that all of you – are - screwed. I gave up deep, profound, and inspirational years ago. Instead, I've decided to take a moment to vent.
As some of you might know, and others will learn over time, I don't hate anyone. For those that are vocabularily challenged, hate means "to dislike intensely or passionately". Which, is truly ironic, because there are plenty of people or things that I dislike intensely or passionately. Chew on that one while I work out this post, would ya? Thanks!
One of those things/people that I generally "dislike intensely"?? Salesmen. Now, I know, it’s not politically correct that I said men instead of people. Suck it up, pansies. Another thing you should know about me, if you don't already, is that political correctness is often the most politically incorrect thing bandied about. However, this really is directed toward the male species employed in the sales field. I have yet to meet a female sales person that is remotely as obnoxious as male sales people.
I "dislike" them so "intensely" that, when in the mood to shop for a car, I absolutely refuse to go to a car lot unless it's on a Sunday when I am positive no one is going to be around to irritate the crap out of me.
"Why would you do that?" I hear you mumble behind your coffee cup.
Have you seen the price of a vehicle lately? I haven't, but considering the cost of a car usually runs about 1/4 the cost of the principal on my mortgage, the chances of me walking off the lot the day I visit are about 1/4 as likely that I am getting into AND then jumping out of a perfectly operational plane. It's just NOT going to happen.
Besides...I'm the edumciated sort. I'm fully capable of doing all the research I need on the vehicle(s) I'm interested in without a salesman blowing smoke up my you know where. *shakes shovel at Ron for having a non-swearing playground* Once I have figured out what I need to figure out to justify spending that kind of money, I will come looking for you.
So, anyway...I avoid salespeople. In fact, I do so about as religiously as I would were I presented with the plague. Unfortunately, because my husband has a bad back I came to the slow, nails on a chalkboard, soul crushing realization I was going to have to go toe to toe with a salesperson.
See....we own our own business, AND spend more hours on our butts in front of computers than would be considered healthy by either the Surgeon General or our chiropractor. As a result, the husband's office chair was starting to cause him more back problems than my nerves could handle. So, being that we are the only ones in our office, I suggested we could maybe find him a relatively affordable recliner he could use when he's at the office. So, off we go to a local warehouse discount store. We've bought furniture there before, at relatively nice prices, and they normally have a decent selection to choose from.
So we pull up, and I suggest we go into the "real" furniture store, next door, just to look around. I mean they are a furniture store after all. Maybe they are having a sale. Being the affable sort, he shrugs and says, "Sure."
We get to the door, and because I haven't been able to throw him to the sales wolves ahead of me break him of his sporadic gentlemanly ways, I go in first. Of course, being that we are married and tend to get along, we are talking as we get to the door. Only to be interrupted mid-sentence by, "Hi guys! How's it going?"
*internal groan, plaster pleasant smile on face*
"Fine thank you."
"Can I help you guys with anything today?"
*look at husband for wit and wisdom - crickets*
"No thank you. We're just looking."
At this point I pretend to start looking, and I walk past the sales guy.
All the while I hear the 2 guys jawing incessantly, well more the salesman than the husband.
"Blah! Blah! Blah! This weather. Blah! Blah! Blah! My car is stuck in Tulsa, and I'm going to pick it up. Blah! Blah! What are you guys looking for today? Blah! Blah!*
Somewhere in there the husband manages to insert that we are in looking for a recliner, while the entire time the salesman is looking at me like my head fell off and rolled under one of the floor displays.
*biting tongue - Ow!*
I look at the husband, "I'm going to go look at the bedding!"
*Sucker! I take a sharp left turn toward the bedding ensembles, leaving the husband behind*
So I am pretending to shop in the bedding area. I mean my bed doesn't have a head and footboard so I always like to look and see what's out there.
*tug*
WTF?
*Make sharp right turn into another ensemble display*
Oooo...that's pretty.
*tug*
WTF? Does this place include free under bed gremlins with their bed purchases?
*sharp right turn into another ensemble display*
Crap! Dead end.
*sharp about face - SMACK! - right into the salesman*
I look over his head at the husband with the, "When we get out of here I'm going to snap you in half so you only wish it was your back that hurts." look.
*plaster pleasant smile on my face as the salesman gets a close up view to determine if my head is attached biologically or by bubble gum and duct tape*
"Shall we see what we can find in the recliners?"
"Sure." I reply.
*biting tongue harder - Ow... blood, definitely blood*
We finally make our way to the recliners. The salesman points out the different types. He answers the husband's questions by asking managers the same questions. The husband tries out the different chairs, foot rests, "hmmmm..."s over the pricing of each. I wander around the variety of different recliners quietly contemplating whether a trip to the hospital to get stitches in my tongue will be necessary.
*tug*
WTF!? I turn around and watch the salesman start to mount my leg.
"You *hump* have been *hump adjustment* really quiet. *hump----hump---hump—hump-humphumphumphump*"
I grab him by his tie, hold him up to the light to make sure that he turns the proper shade of blue, and grin at him like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
"My butt has no stake in this decision."
I hate salesmen.
I have been absent for a while with the whole day job thingy but found myself with a whole day where time was my own and I could do whatever I wanted. Woohoo! So, how shall I spend it?
Skydiving? No…it’s too chilly out today. Mountain climbing? No…I get nose bleeds. Explore an uncharted island? Well, if it is uncharted I would spend most of my time finding it…and I only have today.
No…let’s keep it simple. I found this morning that I have not cleaned out my email box since early December. 2200 emails piled up to the point where searching has become…tedious. I will clean out my mailbox. I have a spam filter that works very well so there is little need for deleting. I simply need to sort and file. We’ll start with the A’s. Wow, 400 entries in 40 categories in the A’s alone. It is 7:00AM, Stay on task there fella.
I have 2 weeks’ worth of laundry to get through as well. Why did I let it pile up? Oh yah, the washing machine was getting temperamental and I need to tweak it. Well no time now! I will slog through it and fix it later when I have time. My washing machine is 22 years old and frankly has grown tired. I have to at times manually assist the agitator in getting started. I know how to fix it, but frankly I only think about it when getting the laundry done is the priority. I need to move the repair up my list of things to get done.
It is 7:27AM, and I am in the C’s…only 23 letters to go.
The laundry is in progress and now I need to take care of errands. I am going to pick up coffee and get me hair cut. I am bad about haircuts. I get one about 3-4 times a year. When I get it cut, I get it cut very short and let it grow in gradually. I only get haircuts on Saturday morning, and only when there is little or nothing else to do. I have been going to the same barber for more than 20 years and the routine is when I walk in, she says, “Hello Ron…shall I take 4 months worth off?”
Okay…back home with coffee and short hair. It is 10:00AM and I am on the G’s. I still have 1500 emails to file…holy crap.
Checking on the laundry I find that the agitator has taken a break again. I really should stop and fix the darn thing. Nah…coax it again and keep going. I’ll get to it…sometime.
It’s 11:15 and I am on the J’s. Holy Moly…I know a lot of people whose names begin with J. This will take a while.
I think I’ll take a break and balance the checkbook…now that is exciting!
11:45 and I am on the O’s…getting closer.
The dog’s need a bath. Higgy loves baths, Gibby, not so much. I take turns with them and run them each their own bath. It is a chore trying to keep them still while I try to dry them, but now they don’t smell like…well, dogs.
It’s 12:30 and I am on the S’s…sheesh!
Back to the laundry. Only 3 loads to go and frankly I tired of helping the agitator do its job…but it won’t get fixed today…only 3 loads to go.
It’s 1:15 and I am on the W’s. WTF?! I really need to do this more frequently.
The plants need watering. Another thing I need to do more often…hmmmm.
It’s 1:45 and I am on the Y’s. You know…I am surprised how many people’s names begin with Y.
2:00PM and finally my mailbox is cleaned and sorted. I really need to do this more often. Yah, I’ll probably think of that again in 4 months while I’m sorting another 2200 emails.
So in the end, I know I have been a total braggart about the immensely exciting life I live and many of you are now consumed with envy. Email me and I will share my secrets to the high life…but remember it may be 4 months until I see your email and respond.
I’m just saying.
The Transcendental Tourist is a blog I have followed for quite a while, and it is to me one of the best blogs I have visited. AJ is an educator in the Philippines who travels through the south Pacific when school is out capturing the sights he visits in photos and words.
The blog is much more than a travel blog indeed. AJ travels into the soul of the places he visits and shares their rich history in beautiful prose and stunning images. One cannot help but feel inside and part of the stories.
Many of the stories are not simply about a location, but more about its history. AJ has revisited places that his family lived during the Japanese occupation of the Philippines during World War II and contrasted it with modern day life.
AJ is a brilliant young man, a brilliant writer and someone I admire very much.
The transcendental Tourist is well worth a visit and dig into the archives while you are ther. You’ll be glad you did.
I'm just saying.
So…I have been absent for a short while. Did you miss me? Please…just say yes…I’m insecure and need a hug. It has been a week since I last posted and all of the fine guest posting friends have moved on so I really need to get you attention again with a witty prose about life…or this story.
So…I have this day job thingy. Most of the time I can keep it in perspective and take time to enjoy little things like writing for this blog. Not so much lately. The work load has been staggering for the past month and has required an inordinate amount of my time. I’m not complaining mind you, being busy with billable work is nothing to complain about and I am grateful. I love what I do and can’t imagine doing anything else…which may be a statement about my own imagination…I digress.
There are some funny ironies to this. On FaceBook, I have developed friendships and networks that I participate with, but lately I have spent so much time managing the FaceBook pages for clients that I haven’t had time to even check my own updates. I write 6 blogs for clients relative to technical or industry content and neglect the creative stuff on my own blog…hmmm…maybe I should repost the article I wrote on Radon gas mitigation with all of the medical and statistical data I researched…maybe not.
Meeting with a client:
Client: “So, give us the short strokes of your analysis.”
Me: “Well, the overwhelming consensus is that people HATE your commercials, your company is considered the “bargain basement” outlet for your industry, and customer loyalty is very low. The good news is…sales are up 12% over last year.”
Client:”Well, that’s good then…right?”
I’m just saying.
