Things I think…or Think I Thought

For the purposes of my own entertainment I am a literal thinker. Although I am generally shy…sometimes I can’t help myself.

Conversation with a new acquaintance

Acquaintance: “So…where are you from originally?”

Me: “A fertile egg…and you?

Acquaintance: “What I mean is…have you lived here  your whole life?”

Me: “Not yet!”

"Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’ or ‘It’s a boy."

Someone asked me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” I replied, “Celebrating the 5th anniversary of you asking me that silly question."

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She replied,” if I tell you, it would defeat the purpose….wouldn’t it?”

I started reading a book recently. The more I read, the more I thought I was reading a very long poem about everything. I finally realized I had picked up the dictionary.

I find most small furry breeds of dog to be hypertensive, temperamental and a bit narcissistic. I like to think of them as "Shihtzu-frenic"!

The Pope was getting ready for his day and said to an aid, “I would like to go out for a walk today.
The aid replied, “Oh Pontiff that is not a good idea. The weather is frightful today. It is raining catechisms and dogmas outside.”

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

Saddles are made of leather, which is animal hide. To put a saddle on a horse seems redundant, or at least rubbing it in.

That’s enough for now.

I’m just saying.