For Men Only

I should tell you that this isn’t necessarily just for men only that it will touch on a topic specific to men. In the context of the subject I don’t anticipate any sympathy from the women folk.

It is time for my annual physical exam. I am pretty good about making and keeping this appointment each year if for no other reason than to update the inventory list each year. I have reached an age where the exam yields different results than years ago and involves additional tests that weren’t on the list earlier. I have come to a point where men of a certain age change in odd ways. Hair begins to grow in places previously unaffected (like the ears); the metabolism slows down and gravity starts to win the battle. I’m okay with these things…except for the “shaving my ears” thingy.

It is a complete physical that include all of the vital signs, complete blood work, answering questions for comparative data and oh yes…the prostate exam. I understand its importance and don’t want to minimize that at all. I am far more interested in the results than the exam itself. Now, for the women…I’m not whining about it and frankly from what I understand I would rather have a prostate exam than a mammogram.

I do understand the importance of the test…just not the method. It is the sort of test that even when you know it’s coming…it’s a surprise. A surprise that immediately improves your posture, and leaves you feeling somewhat violated. The first time I “received” this exam I shot up straight and my eyes began to water. The Dr. finished and said, “You are fine.” I replied, ”Ummm, thank you. What should one tip for something like that?” I nearly felt compelled to send him flowers. My Dr. has an odd sense of humor and chose the moment he gave me the exam to tell me that he is ambidextrous. I said, “You get one try, and no do-overs.”

I’m just saying.