have a man at your house

Okay everyone! I am happy to announce the long awaited guest post by tbaoo. Alan is a funny, irreverent writer from down under and a bit of an enigma as well. He is very vague about his vocation stating that it is top secret. I have surmised that he is a top level secret agent for the Australian government. Yes, I believe this. I think I saw him at the airport disguised as a Wallaby pretending to read a newspaper while keeping an eye on things. I had been drinking…so maybe I’m wrong. No matter…please enjoy!

have a man at your house
ok, tbaoo has a money problem, the problem isn’t that he has too much, it’s that he doesn’t have enough. common problem you’d think, but tbaoo isn’t common,



well i’ve decided to do something about it and that’s the kicker dear reader, it will be verging on the illegal, most certainly adult and not for the faint hearted. you have been warned.

it’s called “have a man at your house” a bit like the service that heidi fliess attempted in some one horse dirt bowl near las vegas.

her trouble was, her own trouble if you get my drift, mine isn’t her trouble, i’m drug free, never arrested and i’m a man. i know what women want, well of course i don’t, but that’s part of my charm. the details of this groundbreaking adult service are as follows:

• all the men are available for hire. minimum 1 hour, that’s how long it takes to eat your dinner and drink two cans of guinness.

• all the men do not offer any sexual services,
• all the men have never been arrested or on drugs, can you imaging the performance issues, you’d need drugs.
• all the men are of varied backgrounds, but they share certain qualities.

• all the men have qualities which are not negotiable, that’s why you engage “have a man at your house”.
• all the men are 52

• all the men have what is known as a beer belly.

• all the men have trouble with their trousers falling down.
• all the men love television, the internet and blogging.
• all the men have various medical problems, hence no sexual services, but require ready access to a lavatory - often.
• all the men claim to have a wild and respectful attitude to the role of women.
• all the men will tell you straight if you ask “do i look fat in this skirt”
• all the men will require a fantastically fresh “asian influenced” stir fry meal, ready to eat the moment they arrive at your home.
• all the men like beer, especially guinness, if you haven’t got any, get some - now, in fact - get four cans.
• all the men will sit on your lounge and engage in conversation with you, when they are good and ready.
• all the men don’t like sarah palin.
• all the men hate fox news, if you have it on, they're gone, with your money, guinness and your well cooked dinner .. good bye.
• all the men love women
• all the men have trouble meeting any, that’s why they’re working for “have a man at your house”
• all the men feel threatened by any real men you may have in your house, so get rid of them.
• all the men are sensitive new age snags. (you might have to look that up )
• all the men are actually sad and lonely.
• all the men require money as badly as tbaoo, but they're too silly to realise that tbaoo makes 87% on what they earn

goodness - that’s just the introductory brochure blurb, if you’d like more just email - grumpswithbumps@tbaoo.com 

Photo credit - 2pep.com