Ron posted on Facebook today inviting people to guest post on his blog.
Guest post? I've never guest posted before. I mean I think of Ron as a long lost adopted father and all, but then I'm the long lost adopted daughter he keeps sealed in the basement. The one in the building you only see in creepy movies, where teenagers make out, where killers chase blond cheerleaders up broken stairs. That building. That basement!
However, maybe if I'm quiet and don't make a Blair Witch on crack type scene he won't notice I didn't volunteer. Bahahaha! Yeah...me...quiet...not make a scene. *snort* I crack myself up! Oh! Shhhhhh! Be vewy, vewy qwiet.
Ron posted on Facebook again today about inviting people to do a guest post on his blog.
This time he listed criteria. Well, that means rules. I know he can't be thinking I would volunteer. He knows I don't do rules. Well, at least the ones set up by other people. I
Criteria 1 - "humor" ok, well I can do that. I think. At least people tell me that I do. Maybe they are just trying to pat me on the head so I don't cry. People hate it when grown women cry. Especially the men types. Science proved it. Penises shrivel up and everything.
Science is scary! Especially for men!
Criteria 2 - "no vulgar language" *tornadic sigh of relief* Ok, I am sooooo off the hook! I even did a happy dance in my chair. Downside...I managed to use the ass of my sweats as a lint brush. Upside....the seat is clear of cat hair. This should make laundry day interesting.
In any case, now I know he wasn't posting this to get my attention. He really does want to keep my vulgar Tourette afflicted fingers locked up in the basement away from his keyboard and from brainwashing his "people".
Wait! I have people! But they are already brainwashed. I need more brains to wash, maybe..... Nah...the fingers would take over before my brain could catch them. Then the words would get published into the internet record for life. I wonder if the internet is anything like the Akashic records...hmmm - note to self, look that up when Ron lets me out for my "so people don't get suspicious about why she hasn’t been seen in public for long periods" time. Anyway, once everyone saw the words I put on Ron's blog, Ron would surely ground me to the basement. Maybe even forever. It's so dark down here.
Ahhhh...darkness - you make it so hard to take good pictures. Need. To. Get. Out. Of. Basement.
Oh! Angie! C'mon girl...come pick the lock for me. There's some forbidden delicacy waiting for you if you'd just unlock the door. *kiss* *kiss* C'mon girl! Quit staring at your butt and come help your mother!
I noticed Ron was mucking around in Facebook again today. He's such a show off. He's all "I have butt loads of unique hits to my site, and you don't. Nahner! Nahner!" He even stuck his tongue out...I saw it! *sigh* Ok, well, no he wasn't like that. Exactly. But he wanted to be. You could just tell. Or maybe it's the darkness in this basement causing paranoia. Nah, that can't be it.
The thing is, I don't get that many unique hits to my blog everyday! I mean it's not like I am jealous or anything. I just don't have the time. It takes all dang day to beat my record of laps around the floor of the basement. It's hard work! It's important work! It may even be so groundbreaking it'll be published in a science journal. Ooo! Maybe the results of this
Ron has been suspiciously quiet lately. Well except for our friendly discussion today about how to deal with internet idiots with slushy slug penises, whose nuts are wedged in the couch springs and who wear aluminum foil hats to talk to aliens that have taken up residence in their rectum.
Doh! I hope the aliens aren't basing their research on THOSE people. The human race would REALLY be screwed, and then how would we have our Independence Day with Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to save the day?
Crap! We are sooooo screwed. Maybe my alien pimp will be one of the nice ones.
I hope that Ron didn't ground me without at least letting me know. Or is getting grounded and not being told that you are grounded a part of being grounded? Shoot! Another thing I never thought to ask my mom about before she died. *shakes fist at universe*
Oh Crap! Ron popped out of his hidey hole today in Facebook.
Now I know I am grounded! He asked about when he was going to get my guest post for his blog! He said he was waiting!!!
There were rules! I hate rules! I rebel against rules! He can't be serious! He knows I don't follow rules!
He plays in a sandbox! Sand is itchy and gets in places only aliens go!
He's had other guest posts in his sandbox! He knows I don't play well with others! I steal sand toys and bury people. No...he knows I don't play well with others!
Besides, what do you post about when you post on someone else's blog? I don't have enough original ideas of my own! How am I supposed to come up with something original for his blog? This can't be happening! Is this what a panic attack is? *puts head between knees and breathes deep*
Mumble, mumble mumble mumble mumble! *sits back up*
AND he said nothing vulgar! Seriously, he must have been talking to another Jewell on Facebook, because.....
......Aahhhhh! My. Fingers. Feeling. Afflicted. Swear. Word. Coming. Can't. Stop. Can't. Shi........................................