I'm off on Holiday...Okay...Not Really...

This week I was invited to leave a guest post on Anne Dicken's blog - The Day After Yesterday. It is the closest thing I have had to a European vacation in a long time! Please stop by and give it a read. And by the way...once you read the context of the post, flood Anne  with comments telling her about all of the mischief you got into on her blog in her absence :)

I'm just saying.

Me, My Id and Ego…The Voices

Before I let this post loose on you, I want to point out an incredible paradox that resulted from my last post. I whined about having to use the secret word thingy to avoid SPAM comments on my blog and the overwhelming response was in support of censorship! Apparently SPAM is not protected by the first amendment…thank goodness…and thank you for your support.

And Now the Rest of the Story...

Id, Ego and Super Ego. We all have them. Id=impulse, Ego=order and logic, Super Ego=morals and values. Yep, we all have them. I on the other hand have regular conversations with them…sometimes out loud…like right now! Sometimes when I’m not in my right mind…my left mind gets very crowded.

By the way…for the sake of this post, Super Ego was on vacation…therefore there is little value and no moral for this post.

Ego: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m writing a post for the blog.”

Ego: “You do have other things to do today you know.”

Me: “I’ll get to them, relax.”

Id: “I’m hungry…how ‘bout pizza?”

Me: “It’s 7:30AM! The pizza store isn’t open.”

Id: “How ‘bout a jelly donut?”

Me: “You know I don’t eat sugar!”

Id: “Oh…and it’s ALL about you, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, actually yes…it is. Have a bagel.”

Id: “Cream cheese?”

Me: “Fine.”

Ego: “You could at least start a load of laundry while you write.”

Me: “Bagels, laundry, just let me get the idea down.”

*Brief pause to start a load of laundry and fix a bagel with cream cheese*

Id: “Hey, this is plain cream cheese! I wanted tomato-basil!”

Me: “Eat!”

Id:”What? You couldn’t toast the bagel?”

Me: “EAT!”

Ego: “You know you have a summary due to a client tomorrow. You could focus on that for a while.”

Me: “Will you please get off my back and help me with this post?”

Ego: “Well…technically…I am.”

Id: “I want another bagel.”

Ego: “I heard the washing machine buzzer…time for the dryer.”

*Brief pause to load the dryer*

Me: “now I’ve lost my train of thought. Help me out here!”

Ego: “You really should take the dogs for a walk you know.”

Me: *Deep sigh*

*Long pause to take the dogs for a walk*

Ego: “So…how do you think this is going to end?”

Me: “Not well I’m afraid.”

Id: “Hey, it’s 1:00PM…do you think the pizza store is open…double cheese, peppers…black olives…deep dish, I want deep dish.”

Super Ego: “I’m back! Anyone want to see my vacation photos?”

Me: “Too late.”

I’m just saying.


Because Some Children Just Don’t Play Well With Others…

Hello all. First I want to say that this blog has accumulated a following that I am proud of. It has gained a global reach and I thank each and every one of you for stopping by to see what is on my mind. I hope I have entertained you and will continue to bring you fresh ideas, viewpoints, and silliness that will lighten your load each day.

Now…I HATE the secret word thingy that people have to fill in to leave a comment. I understand it, I just don’t like it. I also understand instant gratification and am a fan, so I haven’t required monitoring of comments before folks post them.

HOWEVER…it seems that a few new passersby have taken advantage of the ease through which they can leave blatant advertisements and plugs on this blog for others to…read. Yep, I'm getting SPAM! Some of those comments have been to sell a certain magic blue pill, some have been to plug web sites that we’ll just say…promote behavior that is best left private…and without video recording.

To that end, because I have found myself manually deleting those comments and really don’t have time for policing, will in a couple of days re-institute the monitored comment approval thingy.

I regret having to do this and I hope you all understand. Perhaps I am naïve, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt but… Some Children Just Don’t Play Well With Others.

I'm just saying.


Bits ‘N’ Pieces...

I was traveling back from Chicago late last week and hit a section of I80 in Indiana that was a 5 lane [each way] stretch of highway which had construction in process. Not a problem…around here we are used to it. The Departments of Transportation in the tri-state area have invested in giant digital signs whose sole purposes are to display detailed traffic updates to warn motorists of problems and delays. I came to a point where all five lanes had crawled to a near stop. As I was inching along in the middle of five lanes of idle traffic I came upon one of those “Jumbotron” signs. The message…”All Lanes Affected”. Wow! Really? Thank you so much!

It is no secret that the traditional newsprint industry has experienced a readership falloff in that past few years. With internet accessibility and 24 hour media news feeds, fewer and fewer people are buying newspapers. A bi-product of this phenomenon I believe is that as a result of slumping sales, editors and reporters simply don’t care anymore and as a result are getting sloppy with headlines. Here are some samples of actual headlines I came across this weekend:

1. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

2. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

3. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

4. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

5. Elephant beats heroin habit with detox

6. Chihuahuas provoke baton attack on nude beach

By all means, please provide your own subtitles:).

Last but not least, yesterday I was working around the house and had the television on as background noise. There I was…minding my own business when all of a sudden I heard a commercial about Disney’s CHRISTMAS video releases in limited quantities??? It’s AUGUST! School is not back in session…Thanksgiving is 3 months away…it’s AUGUST! I think the folks at Disney need to be left on the beach with the baton attacking Chihuahuas.

I’m just saying.

Cruisin’, Ahhh…Not So Much…

I live in the northern suburbs of Detroit, Michigan [the motor city].The first “highway” built in Detroit is an 8 lane boulevard, Woodward Avenue (M1) that runs from downtown Detroit 25 miles north into the suburbs. From start to finish Woodward Avenue is a straight line.

In the 1960’s and 70’s there was a particular 3 mile stretch of Woodward that turned into a drag strip for muscle car enthusiasts on Friday and Saturday nights. As pre-teens we used to ride our bicycles up to Woodward to watch the races. As driving teenagers…we participated…with Dad’s car. The first car I hit Woodward with was my Dad’s Rambler Ambassador [the MOST un-cool car on the road at the time]. I got pulled over once when driving that car and I wasn’t racing or speeding. I proclaimed to the Police Officer, “I wasn’t speeding!” His reply was, “I know, but you are driving a Rambler…get off Woodward before you embarrass yourself and everyone around you…please.”

I never owned a muscle car, but the first new car I owned was a German sports car…an Opel GT. I had extensive engine work done on it by a mad scientist German mechanic who did much of the work for free for the love of the challenge. A good thing because at the time, surplus cash and I were not companions. In the wee hours of the morning one time I took the car out on a straight stretch of the expressway and got it up to 140 miles per hour. I was good, and have had practical transportation since.


Fast forward. In 1995 a few dozen muscle car enthusiasts planned an op-ed get together along Woodward Avenue to display their classics cars. It drew interest from locals and wrath from local governments. In 1996, more cars joined the cruise and realizing the potential cash cow this event could turn into, communities jumped on board and it turned into an annual sanctioned, sponsored event that draws up to 1.5 MILLION spectators and 40,000 vehicles! I went the first couple of years for nostalgic reasons, but when I had to share air with a million people…I quit.

That’s not entirely true. I have clients that advertise during the event and host VIP events along the route…so I get invited to a lot of parties. The last time I attended was about 4 years ago. I had a client who hosted a big party on the boulevard and it was a nice event. The pros: good food, good conversation, cool cars. The cons: It was 90+ degrees out with 95+% humidity and NO breeze. There was a cloud of carbon monoxide hanging 6 feet off the ground from exhaust and I literally got sick to my stomach with a severe headache.

The Woodward Dream Cruise is in full swing today [August 21, 2010], and I am sitting here in my air conditioned office void of exhaust fumes writing this post. I’m in a better place.
I’m just saying.


The Art of Coping

Prelude: I was invited to post a story about the stages of grief on Lisa Brendal's Blog recently. I was flattered with the invite and nervous for the challenge, but the story is done and posted. That is not the point here. I hope you will read it, and I hope it has value for you. Lisa's own writing is beautiful and you should check it out.

No, the point is that I take very little seriously...this blog is never intended to be serious, and the two days I spent writing the post for Lisa is the longest period of time I have spent on a serious thought in I don't know how long. It Wore Me Out! Not because  of the memories, but because it required me to shut off the inner imp, and actually address a topic head on and seriously. I think I lost 5 pounds. So for the sake of balance I offer you [from the normal dark crevices of my overactive mind] another view of how I address loss and coping.


The Art of Coping

I will tell you this first story to tell you another story that has to do with coping. I have an impish sense of humor, which is part of who I am, and partly a defense mechanism through which I find strength to cope.

I HATE shopping…always have, except for groceries. I mean this literally. When I realized I needed a white shirt for a special occassion, the first place I stopped was Kroger ( a grocery chain for you out-of-staters) on the outside chance they had white dress shirts in the gadget aisle. They didn't, and I sent them a stern complaint via email...no response.

Mariann [my late wife] was a prolific shopper…I see balance. One Christmas season, Mariann told me that if I “toughened up” and helped her complete our holiday shopping in a single weekend, I would never have to set foot in a retail store “ever again!” Over the course of 3 days and 36 hours, I diligently accompanied Mariann, choosing items, schlepping bags, and otherwise enduring (ugh) holiday shoppers. I managed to survive the ordeal having hyperventilated only 2 times. At the end and when we had finished wrapping everything, Mariann kissed me and said “I promise you will never have to do that again, and thank you.” From that day forward, I never did it again.

Dress shirts, suits, sport coats, slacks, socks, shoes and underwear. It did not matter. All I had to do was open a door or drawer, and I was ready with crisp, clean new attire that honestly made me look better than I actually deserved.

A caveat to that story is that when Mariann had her [cancer] surgery I repainted the bedroom and bought a new suite of furniture so that she could recover in a more comfortable environment.

The second part of that story is:

Probably 3 months after Mariann passed [from pancreatic cancer], I opened the “underwear” drawer and found a couple pair of worn garments that puzzled me. I called the retail store that I had purchased the furniture and asked for the service department. I told the person who answered that someone needed to come and repair the dresser which was still under warranty. The polite young man on the other end of the line asked “What seems to be the problem?” I replied “Well, I opened my underwear drawer, and everything in it was worn and frayed. This has never happened before…there should be new stuff in there. I pulled the dresser away from the wall and couldn’t see any loose wires or pipes, so I need you to look at it.” That same young man, and God bless him said,” Sir, I think you are having a bad day, and I think you might need to go shopping. Try Target…they are very helpful”.

Well, as it turned out I did indeed go to the Target and purchase what I now realize was about a 7 year supply of underwear and socks (you do remember me saying I HATE to shop…right?). When I got to the checkout, the young man cashing me out gave me a bit of a look after seeing a cart FULL of “delicates”, and so I broke the ice by asking, “You folks don’t happen to repair dressers do you?”

“No Sir.”

“Well, do you deliver?”

“No sir we don’t.”

“Okay…it doesn’t hurt to ask.”

I’m just saying.

The Dog Days of Blogging…and Kudos…

I’ve fallen a bit behind in posts this month…sorry. My day job and family matters have occupied me…shame on them!

As is true every month I showcase fellow bloggers that I think you will enjoy and I want to share them with you…here we go.

Brent Allard – Brent comes to us on two fronts. Criminal Movies, a movie review site. There are many review sites, but Brent painstakingly analyzes film from the core to the metaphor, production values, and educated opinion. It is always worth stopping by and Brent is very good about follow up on your comments. Secondly, Brent writes on Count the Stairs, which is a collection of his poetry. An eclectic collection of verse topics that span life, muse, love and loss. Give yourself a break and a literary jump start and follow Brent.


Gill – The Accidental Blogger. I ran into Gill following other blogs and stopped by to have a read. Gill is an insightful, bright and funny person who writes in semi-diary form about her life, attitudes and observations. Gill is a talented writer, artist and photographer and offers her work for your enjoyment. One of the most endearing qualities about Gill is that she is passionate and unassuming about her work and leaves it entirely up to you to enjoy her words and art. Get over there and say hello.


Martin Hawrysko – Slapstick Analysis. Martin is a bright young man who is a seasoned writer, a part-time radio personality in greater Chicago, and simply a genuinely nice guy. This relatively new blog definitely falls under the “potpourri” category. Martin’s blog has humor, sports, politics and technology. Slapstick Analysis (to paraphrase Forest Gump) is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’ll get…but t is always worth a visit.


And last but not least, and again, The Blog Farm. If you are a reader…GO! There is something for everyone there. If you are a writer…JOIN. It is a fabulous tool for networking your blog and building your following.


As an endnote…anyone who would like to write a guest post for my blog…GO FOR IT! The format is humor and you can rant all you like. Keep it relatively clean and send me a note. I welcome anyone who wants an additional venue to post on.


Go forth my children and read and write.


I’m just saying.


So…About Those Famous Canadians…

I have a deep heritage and fondness for Canada. I spent most of my childhood growing up in rural Ontario and to this day beam with pride at that history.

I had a conversation with a friend this week and the subject of Howie Mandel as a judge on “America’s Got Talent” came up. My friend…knowing my Canadian background, said” He’s a famous Canadian!” Hmmmm.

I like Howie, but my response to my friend was “Well, he’s Canadian, and he is a celebrity, but I think he is more a famous person who happens to be Canadian than he is an actual Famous Canadian.” By that I mean I have never seen Howie waving the Maple Leaf and showing national pride. I’m not picking on Howie or any of the other celebrities that are native sons and daughters of Canada. A partial list includes:

Lorne Green, Leslie Neilson, Howie Mandel, Jim Carrey, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, William Shatner, Keanu Reeves, Pamela Anderson, Mike Meyers, Martin Short, Michael J. Fox, Shania Twain, Neil Young, Justin Bieber, just to name a few.

I tend to think of “famous” as a person who has made a contribution by inventing something useful, a medical breakthrough, or an otherwise positive historic figure.

Being a trivia nut, I know of a few, but I did a little research and here is a partial list of people I would consider famous Canadians.

1. Sir John A. Macdonald – The first Prime Minister of Canada (1867). Sir John was essentially the “George Washington” of Canada and served a total of 6 terms in that position.

2. Frederick Banting and Charles Best. These two scientists first isolated insulin (1921). This discovery led to treating diabetes on a large scale in 1923.

3. Herbert Henry Dow – The founder of Dow Chemicals.

4. Grahame Ferguson, Roman Kroitor, Robert Kerr – inventors of IMAX (1968)

5. Wilfred Bigelow – inventor of the pacemaker…be still my heart…or not.

6. James Naismith – inventor of basketball. Yep! Basketball was invented by a Canadian! There were a couple of problems with the popularity of basketball in Canada though. It is difficult to play on ice, and all of the 7 foot tall Canadians were already being recruited as goalies in the National Hockey League.

7. Gideon Sundback – invented the zipper.

8. Joseph-Armand Bombardier – inventor of the snowmobile. Now this one I admit is obvious. Where else but Canada would winter transportation be invented? A place where Joseph could test-drive his proto-types 9 months a year (it’s too cold the other 3).


And last but not least is not a famous Canadian person but rather a famous Canadian object. The robotic arm used in NASA’s shuttle program. Canada developed and contributed the device as part of the international space program. For nearly 30 years the arm has tirelessly worked in space launching satellites, catching and repairing the Hubble telescope and building the international space station. In the end, many Canadians were disappointed that NASA has squandered the original purpose of the arm which was as a deep space beer opener.

I’m just saying.

Please Help Me Understand…

This post is not about politics, political preferences or anything to do with anything but trying to understand the dynamics of a particular family, and the media’s unhealthy fascination with following them.

Once upon a time Sarah Palin was Governor of Alaska. She gained that position after being Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska…population 5,469. Then out of the blue Sarah is lofted to the position of Vice Presidential candidate with John McCain. History tells us that that campaign did not work out as planned. A side note…during the campaign we were made privy to the fact that Sarah’s teenage daughter (Bristol) was expecting a child out of wedlock. Not uncommon, but given Sarah’s party affiliation, the response was to poo-poo morals, chastity and family values(ALL of which her party shouts as platform) to float on the “Right to Life” platform as an answer to the controversy. Fine…I can live with that.

Shortly after the campaign was over…without a hint of notice, Sarah resigns as Governor of Alaska (holding a NATIONAL press conference) in the middle of her first term, and to my knowledge never gave a valid reason…SHE QUIT! Immediately after quitting she releases a book and goes on an international tour signing copies (which by the way were actually written by a ghost writer) and giving lectures to anyone who would listen (for 100K minimum payment). Her message…benign shallow rhetoric intended only to get her press time…and it succeeded.

Transition…

In the news over the past couple of weeks…and let’s put this news in perspective…Bristol Palin announced and canceled her wedding to (Levi Johnston) the estranged father of her child. After the Presidential campaign made clear that Sarah was out of work, Levi disparaged the Palin family to anyone and everyone who would listen. The Palin family disowns him…time passes, and low and behold Bristol and Levi announce in People Magazine that they are getting married. Bristol didn’t tell her parents directly…no…she published in a magazine for them to read along with millions of other people (which is a problem because apparently Sarah doesn’t like to read). A week later Bristol announces exclusively to Us Weekly that the wedding is off??? Again, the family finds out by reading. No reason to date that I have heard, but definitely paid for publicity for Bristol.

My opinion is that regardless of Sarah’s political affiliation…the acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree and Sarah, her family/extended family/estranged family are BAT SHIT CRAZY, and the media is shameful for wasting time reporting the spew that they produce. The truth is that collectively they couldn’t produce an original complete thought of any value under any circumstance.

Solution for the media:

For every 10 minutes of my time you WASTE reporting the antics of these buffoons, spend 1 minute each reporting about 10 people who actually make a positive difference!

I’m just saying