Just a Couple of Things…

First of all…my latest “feghoot” post seems to have drawn traffic, but to mixed reviews. Fair enough, some folks get it, some don’t. It was a “groaner” I know, but hey…it’s entertainment. I loved puns as a child and I have a lot of them stored up that I am going to unleash on you so either stop me…or love me for trying.

I had a conversation with my mother this evening [as I do every evening] and somehow the conversation led to childbirth…not by my prompting and mother hasn’t experienced it in more than 5 decades. She took time in a macabre nostalgic kind of way to describe in some detail each of the births of her 3 sons. I was number 2.

My older brother took nearly 2 days to find his way to daylight; my younger brother literally backed up and had to be coaxed out. Me…well that’s a different story.

The day I was born my father was working an afternoon shift and mom’s water broke around 7:30PM. She called dad to let him know, and asked the neighbor across the street to give her a ride to the hospital which in good traffic was a half-hour drive. Me? Time meant nothing to me…the hatch was open, the escape eminent…so why wait?

I was crowning before my mother reached the hospital [I know this because I WAS THERE] and she was rushed past check-in to the elevator toward the delivery room…and I pushed on. I am told there was a nurse who literally held me in place until the room was ready and I popped out as soon as she let go.

So here’s the thing. I am and always have been a very patient person. I can wait; I don’t make impulsive decisions, but I don’t look back when I decide to move.

My mother pointed this out to me saying, “You wouldn’t wait and I couldn’t stop you.”

I replied, “Mom! What would you stop? You were giving birth! It was time and as the obedient son, I came out. It’s who I am. Think of it this way and correct me if I’m wrong. If I enter an elevator in an 80 story building I am patient and amuse myself during the ride. I don’t complain or get claustrophobic, but when the door opens I get out…period. There is nothing to linger over…get out!”

Mom:”Yep…that’s about it…good night, I’ll talk with you in the morning.”

Me:” Good night Mom.”

I’m just saying.