In an effort to promote our blogging community I asked Sugary Cynicism to allow me to interview her and she foolishly graciously accepted. If you are familiar with Sugary, you will understand the direction of the interview. If you are not familiar with Sugary…get busy…you have a lot of catching up to do! Enjoy
A: Sugary Cynic is not a name but a title, handed down from generation to generation of an elite order of girls who hate the general population at large and think everyone in the world is an idiot, but who also like to eat too many pixie sticks at 3am and go outside and chase a bunny and then fall out of a tree while your friends try to stop you.
Q: Your Blog is very funny. What prompted you to start it?
A: Thanks! Here’s how it happened: One cold, black night I was stumbling through a forest, woefully lost when suddenly I happened upon a strange hermit man, in robes of dark blood-red and glowing yellow eyes. Fearful but desperate, I asked him if he knew the way out of the forest. He grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me towards him until I was so close I could smell his fetid breath. His eyes were wild and his nails dug into my skin and with a voice so hoarse and rusty like he hadn’t spoken in years he uttered these few words: “You should start a comedy blog on the internet” and then he vanished. It didn’t solve my more immediate forest issue, but still, I understood that I had to do as he had told me.
Q: Aside from shooting at small children in Laser Tag, what sports do you like?
A: I am to sports as Paris Hilton is to celibacy.
Q: If you were told you could not idolize Sean Connery any longer, how would it impact your life?
A: I would find the tallest, most desolate cliff (which is a bit difficult in Florida) and I would wait for a storm-tossed night and stand on the cliff and go “WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYY????!!!!” And then I’d probably take up worshipping Clint Eastwood.
Q: You worked at a museum during your summer break. Briefly describe that experience.
A: I was an intern but my official title was “Museum Butt-Monkey” I did all the lame jobs like stuffing envelopes, fishing stupid children out of the fountain, trying to sell t-shirts that were never the right size for people etc. But the worst was calling people and asking them to renew their membership. It’s not enough for people to just say “no, not at this time” Instead I got:
“Not right now, I’m in the bathroom with my son”
“You’d have to take it up with my ex-husband, the membership’s been his since THE DIVORCE!” “WHY YOU CALL? I NO WANT!”
Q: When you graduate University, what would be your dream job?
A: Professional pirate, personal concubine to Jake Gyllenhaal, official rum-taster, Jedi knight, Batman, Celebutante hitman, official trampoline-tester…getting paid to write would be nice though.
Q: What is your greatest fear?
A: I dunno if I have a “greatest” fear, more like a bunch of little fears: heights, enclosed spaces, spiders, Lindsey Lohan, stitches, doing taxes, the Twilight series, Bok Choy, guys named Buford…lots and lots of little fears.
Q: If the story of your life is made into a movie, who will play the role of you?
A: Gerard Butler. In drag.
Q: How many movies do you watch in a year?
A: I don’t really keep track, but if I had to hazard a guess, somewhere in the neighborhood of a million and twelve.
Q: Name 3 things you would rather be doing right now?
A: Sleeping, Conquering France, Christian Bale
Q: Mighty Mouse or Superman?
A: Batman. The answer is always Batman.
Q: What is your favorite TV show of all time?
A: Seinfeld. No, wait, that’s not forceful enough for “of all time” lemmee try again. SEINFELD!!! Much better. ALSO 30 ROCK IS ESPECIALLY ENTERTAINING.
Q: If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be, and where would it be?
A: I already have a tattoo of a robot scorpion on my back, if I get another tattoo it’ll probably also be steampunk themed, maybe like, make it look like my skin’s peeled back and there are gears underneath or something sick like that. If not that, then probably this:
Q: What is your least favorite smell?
A: The smell of a carbon monoxide leak.
Q: How do you manage to be so consistently awesome?
A: I was born with an extra gene for awesomeness. And I totally didn’t add this question in, why would you say something like that?
Q: If you could meet one person, dead or alive who would it be?
A: Alive: Sean Connery (that’s kind of a given, don’t you think?)
Dead: Orson Welles, because I am just that big of a film geek
Q: The voice in your head…whose voice is it?
A: It varies, if I have to read or watch some Victorian period type thing, it sounds an awful lot like Keira Knightley and other times it takes on a very Jack Sparrow-ish tone, which can get weird sometimes…
“Take Central Boulevard to Main Street, savvy?” “Take the left hypotenuse of the tangent of…well this is bloody stupid. If you need me, I’ll be off getting drunk”
Q: Why on earth did you agree to do this interview?
A: Because I have an extremely over-inflated sense of self-importance. And I’m procrastinating paper that’s due to tomorrow. Don’t judge me.