If There’s No Full Moon Tonight…Then Please Explain!?!

I had to run errands today. I always plan to take care of as many things as possible in a round trip. Deliver proofs to a client, do a print check for another client, go to the bank, and stop at the market. Simple enough? Not so much.

I also want to qualify that I am dedicating this post to my friend Kim. She will tell you that as long as she has known me, I have never passed and opportunity to verbalize sardonic response the bizarre. I have however in the past year tempered my reactions and try to find a middle ground from which to accept that which I witness. Okay Kim…now you HAVE to leave a response!

The first two stops were uneventful and routine and there I was, sitting at a stop light…minding my own business when a gentleman on an obviously very expensive mountain bike made a left turn in front of me moving to my left and behind me.

Rewind…this gentleman easily weighed 350 pounds, was wearing a helmet way too small for his head and was wearing a full body Spandex riding suit. Rewind…350 pound man in full body Spandex. Rewind…350 pound man in full body LAVENDER Spandex with a cup holder dangling from his handlebars holding a 12 ounce bottle of beer, AND he had a huge cigar hanging out of his mouth.

A flood of thoughts ran through my mind like a sheet of rain cutting across an open field. It was a mix of shock, repulsion, and sympathy. I rubbed my eyes to be sure that I wasn’t experiencing a stroke induced hallucination. And then I mustered all of my empathic senses to come to peaceful resolve with the images burned into my memory. I came to two conclusions.

1. Good for him for taking up exercise…he is obviously in a transition period.

2. I thank God I’m not a bicycle seat!

I tried Kim…sorry. To be continued…

I’m just saying.